I think i peed on brittanys purse
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Randomize
