so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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