A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
