I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
