I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
