I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize