The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
