She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
