i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
