wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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