Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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