In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
