she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
