Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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