My sheets look like a crime scene.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
