On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
