My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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