brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
