I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
