Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
