They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i may or may not be watching the land before time
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
