I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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