please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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