Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
