Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You took a bar mat shot.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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