ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I will die if light touches me.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
