Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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