Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
