Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
