Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
