ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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