Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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