You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
We got so high we made milksteak
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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