First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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