So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
