Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
