bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
