I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
