Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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