Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Randomize
