nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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