Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
