Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
