the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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