I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
