how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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