I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
