I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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