im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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