My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
