so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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