well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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