Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
