I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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