he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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