Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
