are you still at the devil's house?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
