woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
