WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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