Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
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I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
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I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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