my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
