sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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