Whoa Z and x make the same sound
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
