ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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