Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
