he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
