do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
