She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
