She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
